Tale Repackaged

Charles looked down at his watch and ran through the calculations in his head once again. Fifteen minutes had passed since he had sprinted out his front door, settled into a redundant stride, and prayed he had set the right pace. The rhythmic beating of shoes hitting pavement served as a hypnotic calming force as the turmoil of the situation played out in his mind over and over. Already the sweat beaded and rolled off his face as the Georgia humidity was paying him no favors. The sequence of events leading up to his run played out in his mind over and over, only heightening his sense of urgency.

Charles worked as an engineer for a marble mining company. As he collected a water sample from one of the mine dewatering sumps that morning he could not of imagined how that day would play out. The cool, constant, 58 degrees that the underground environment of the mine offered sounded so inviting to him now as he struggled to maintain his focus, now just 20 minutes into his run.

It was roughly a half an hour ago, just as he kicked his boots off and plopped onto the couch, that the phone had rang. The brief conversation now played over in his head.

"Hello, this is Chuck."

"Honey… it’s me." The faint crack of a whimper divided the phrase.

Sensing the stress in her voice he perked to attention like a private as his commanding officer enters the room. "Sweetie, what’s wrong? I thought you would be here when I got home… where.."

She cut him off, "Honey, I don’t have much time. This cell phone is beeping like the battery is low, I don’t know how much longer I can talk. I am at the church house, we were setting up for tonight when a stranger came in and demanded $1000 dollars. Don’t call the police because he says he will start shooting if they show up. Honey, he has given us until 7 to come up with the money or I don’t know what he is going to do… plea" beep, beep, beep, the tell tale signal of a lost cell call never came with more horror!

He frantically called her back but was met by her voicemail on the first ring, confirming that it was her battery that had given out. All the "network" in the world couldn’t help now. Digging through a kitchen drawer he found the number to the church house but repeated calls only produced an answering machine.

What his wife was not aware of was the fact that on his way home from work that day his serpentine belt had failed and he had hitchhiked his way home. Months of ignoring the squeal from the belt had finally caught up with him, producing a 1 ton paperweight alongside Georgia 400.

Having made that drive many times he knew the church house was 6.2 miles from home, 10,000 meters now separated him from where he needed to be. As his options played out in his mind, the adrenaline had altered his decision making ability and the only conclusion he had been able to produce was to make a run for it. He strapped on his running shoes, grabbed his wallet and bolted from the door.

As he ran out he had glanced at his watch and noted that he had 65 minutes to get there including, he estimated, 2 minutes at the ATM. Although he had run many 5k events, averaging roughly 25 minutes for the distance, the concept of twice the distance in just over an hour felt very daunting, as he had never even tried it before. He knew it would be a matter of setting the right pace and holding it.

As he approached the ATM, he struggled to regain his breath as he punched in his PIN, having to repeat it due to his jittery fingers. Now 30 minutes into his run, he knew he was roughly halfway. As he typed in his request for $1000 dollars from his checking account, the machine denied his request. Knowing he had the available balance he repeated the request with the same result. Halfway through his third request he suddenly remembered that his account had a daily maximum of $500 built in, as a security feature. Resigned to that reality, he took the reduced amount and prayed that the "stranger" would accept that explanation.

As he left the ATM he realized he had burned precious time with the delays. Instead of 2 minutes, it had taken him 5. With his watch now reading 6:30 he knew he had to complete the second 5k in the same time as the first, except his lungs and muscles were already straining at the endeavor.

The panic struck him that perhaps he had made the wrong choice. Couldn’t he had asked a neighbor? Shouldn’t he had called the police despite the warning? With the cliché of hindsight is 20/20 playing in his head the anger at himself provided the motivation that the adrenaline had provided earlier. As he trudged on he began to feel like one of Hanibal’s elephants in a forced march over the Alps, driven on by the cracking of a handler’s whip.

As the time and miles passed by, Charles tried anything and everything to take his mind off of his wife and focus on the run. Surely this man wouldn’t hurt her if he got the money, right? His pace was now sporadic, waning as his thoughts drifted followed by periods of sprinting as he regained focus. Precious seconds ticked by and he started to wonder if he would make the deadline. With one final hill he noted he only had 3 minutes remaining. Angry as the reality of his pending failure sunk in, he took solace that the 47 lbs he had lost that year made even getting close a reality. His 207-lb frame was doing something his 255-lb frame of a year ago could never had done, let alone the 275-lb frame of years past.

As he crested the hill and the church came into view, the sinking feeling that he had failed came over him. Now just a few hundred yards from the church his watch read 7:00. He listened for the sounds of gunfire, praying that the man had extended the deadline or perhaps the church clock was running slow.

He burst through the church door at 7:01 and 51 seconds, screaming for his wife and her unknown captor. Frantically he searched as he waved the $500 ransom over his head. As he heard a noise in the gym he whipped around and tore down the hall in that direction. Jerking open the door his brain could not believe what his eyes absorbed. Standing before him were all of his best friends, co-workers, and fellow churchgoers, celebrating… No sign of his wife or the stranger she had alerted him to.

As he cleared the sweat now pouring into his eyes he started to leave the gym to continue his search of the building, the reality of the situation still not clicking in his head. As he turned to leave someone finally noticed his entrance and yelled out, "he’s here!"

Thinking they were speaking of the stranger, Charles turned in the direction of the voice. Catching a view of his wife, apparently okay, he stepped toward her, surveying the area for the gunman. To his utter astonishment the entire gym screamed out, "Surprise, Happy Birthday!" His wife’s smile turned to bewilderment as she noted his perspiration, panting, and stagger.

But Charles would have his revenge. Finally grasping the situation, he made his way to his wife, wrapped his now sweat-soaked body around hers and gave her the biggest, wettest kiss he ever had, something Hanibal’s elephants would have done too, if given the chance, I imagine.




Of course, the only two elements of this story that are true...