Sister-in-Law Challenge

create your own visited states map


As her husband can attest, everything, and I mean EVERYTHING, is a competition in my world! So, when my sister-in-law posted her States visited map, I have to do the same and hopefully win... That is the person (in my self defined circle) that has been to the most states, right? Of course, the only reason I have been to several of these states is because of my job. Either driving through them during my drive to Georgia from New Mexico (Mississippi), or States where I have never spent a night, I just fly in/fly out (Pennsylvania & Missouri). Some have been in an airport only (Illinois), while others have been driving through to meet family now that I live on the East Coast (S Carolina, Tenn., Kentucky). But hey, in the state is in the state, right? My most recent addition was Florida where the family spent the Fourth of July weekend on the beach in Destin. That will most definitely not be a one time occurrence. I may win the "Countries Visited" among my circle of friends/family, but I will spare them the embarrassment of a map...

50+ Books, Six Flags, 2 Kids, and a Pooped out Dad

The local amusement park has devised quite the strategy here. Each year, school children can earn a "free" ticket to the park by completing and documenting a certain number of hours spent reading throughout the school year. For the second summer in a row I have now made this trip with my older two children both of which are voracious readers that would qualify for several tickets if multiple were allowed. Their "free" tickets ultimately translate into roughly $30 for my ticket, $15 for parking, $20 for Lunch, $10 for games, $5 for snacks, and another $15 for dinner... almost $100 bucks because my wife had to go and teach my children how to read! And I thought the Leap-pad was a good investment!

Going to an amusement park with two kids just barely tall enough for the tamest of the rides is not as boring as it may sound. First of all, in 95 degrees and 90% humidity those water rides are FAR better than the hour wait followed by 30 seconds of exhilaration that "Goliath" may provide. Secondly, as a dad the true thrill comes from the enjoyment of your children, not your own exhilaration. Last year I convinced my kids to go on "The Great American Scream Machine" (not nearly as bad as the name implies as 42" kids can ride it) but at the end of the ride they were both in tears and made me promise this year that we would go nowhere near that ride. The day will come when they enjoy that, until then I have learned that a 6 yr old girl riding shotgun in your bumper car yelling out "Go RAM that old lady" is priceless! Lastly, I don't know if I should admit this, I am DEAD tired two days later. Every muscle in my body is aching and we just went on the "family" rides. I can't imagine how I would be feeling if I had tried to tackle "The Scorcher", "Superman", "Ninja", "Deja vu", "Goliath", "Cyclone", "Mind Bender", and the handful of other rides that had height limits taller than my little munchkins! For now I will stay by my story that it must have been the heat and dehydration that is causing me to feel like the pinata, instead of the stick.

As for future trips, maybe I need to burn my kids library! Jamie, please don't teach the younger two to read, please don't make them do their homework, and please conficate any library book they try to smuggle into the house! They say that illiteracy makes life difficult and painful, I am here to tell you that literacy is expensive and DEADLY!

Never Mock a Prophet

While preparing my Sunday School lesson on Saturday I came across a little story that I swear I have never read before! Of all the miracles that Elisha performed, how this one is relegated to relative obscurity is a shame. I mean, multiplying the oil, floating the ax head, and healing Naaman's leprosy only to pass it to his own greedy servant are all great stories but this one is far better!

Just after the mantle of Elijah had been passed to Elisha, Elisha was leaving town. A group of kids followed him out of town and began to mock him. Using one of the oldest and most effective jabs ever employed, they made fun of his follicly challenged scalp. "Hey baldy, what happened? Elijah's chariot of fire get to close and burn off all your hair?" Apparently Elisha was as sensitive to his baldness as modern men. The key difference is, Elisha had the authority to deal with the issue... he promtly cursed them and two she bears came out of the forest and "tare forty and two children". Now I'm not sure what kind of verb "tare" is but I am assuming it is along the lines of weeding out the trouble-makers and not a pleasurable experience! If Elisha could just bottle that bald treatment it would outsell Karl Malone's Rogaine or Ronco's Hair Spray Paint every day of the week!

In conclusion, to my twin brother, (who is as bald as Gandhi while I got the follicle gene) forgive me, if you ever become the prophet your tender mercies would be appreciated, and as always, shine on bro, shine on...